Multiracial Asian-Looking Scandinavian in A White Country // Thoughts

Okay! So I've been working on this post for the entire week!  I got this question on Tumblr about how it is to be Asian. I'm not even sure, if I can answer that question. You see I'm not actually Asian... or actually I am.... But not really.

Hiluuu, my friends!

I'm more like a biracial Asian-looking Scandinavian teenager. I'm like 50/50, but I defiantly don't look like a white Scandinavian. When I'm out traveling people mistaken me for being Spanish, Italian or South American - I probably look like anything else than a white Scandinavian.I've always wanted to write a post like this and I really hope you enjoy reading my thoughts.
Disclaimer: I'm not writing this to get pity or to offend anybody. I'm trying to tell my story from my perspective. Keep that in mind before commenting.

Being comfortable in your own skin
A lot of young teenagers and adults in Thailand use whitening creme to make their skin whiter, circle lenses to make their eyes blue and dye their hair blonde. In my opinion I've always thought that Thai's shouldn't become blonde, but if it makes them happy and comfortable then let it be. I just think you should be comfortable with how you look naturally. Learn to love yourself. Your acne, your nose, your eyes, your feet, your thighs.

In Scandinavia everyone is sun bathing all the freaking time. Okay, not everybody, of course - Just 97% of the people I know. Sometimes I'm jealous of them. I'm not ashamed of my skin color, but I don't necessary want my skin to get any darker, because believe it or not, but I get very easily tan. More tan. I get really really really tan really really fast. I'm outside in the sun for 30 minutes with sandals and you can already see the lines of my sandals.

I think a lot of young people (including me) compares themselves with others, and nothing good ever comes out of it. 1. You either feel bad, because you think the other person is so much more pretty, taller or skinnier than you. 2. You make yourself feel better by finding all the flaws of the other person.

I think I'm a quite confident person, but sometimes I compare myself with my friends and even strangers. It never makes me feel any better. When I sometimes do compare myself with others I use to tell myself: "Okay, they are maybe skinnier and taller and just in general naturally beautiful, but I have a lot more to offer than my looks." Sometimes - and this is going to sound really arrogant - I tell myself: "Shut up, Cindy - you're a freaking amazing living and breathing person. He/she is too, and you don't need negative energy in your life,"

Yes. I talk to myself and have an inner dialogue with myself probably 90% of the time.

I've always been a bit jealous of people from The United States, because it doesn't matter how you look. You're all just Americans. In Denmark I will always be Thai and in Thailand I will always be Danish. Belonging to both countries, but doesn't fit in anywhere. When I was younger I always told myself, that I was privileged to be both Thai and Danish, because I got a "top-secret" insight in both cultures.

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An Okay-What-Just-Happened Moment
This is probably one of the weirdest and most confusing story I had when I went to the hospital last year. I went to this check up and I had to fill in some papers about me - which was already kind of odd since it was the same hospital I was born at and they usually have my in information in their database - but what do I know about medical records - Anyway back to the story.

The very excited and enthusiastic female nurse sat down at the computer, began writing my name and asked me: "Okay! Chinese or Japanese?" I naturally answered: "Thai." She looked confused at the computer screen. "Hmm... That's oddly not an option," she said and looked deeply at the computer, while trying to figure out what to do. "But I was born here," I said awkwardly. The nurse looked at be again and asked: "What do you think we should say?"

First I thought she was joking and for a second I was really confused, because I didn't know medical records were like 'what do you think or feel right now about your biological anthropology'.
After thinking for a couple of seconds I opened my mouth. "Maybe Chinese? I've always wanted to go to Hong Kong and Thailand is closest to China." She then smiled really big at me. "Chinese it is!" she said very loudly and happily began typing.

So somewhere in my medical records it says I'm Chinese... It probably wasn't any important papers, but I've never felt so racial confused in my life.

~ · ~ 

I think I have very obvious Thai characteristics. I defiantly doesn't look like a Dane. When I was younger I really wanted to have long blonde hair, moonlight pale skin and crystal blue eyes. I thought princesses could only have blonde hair and blue eyes and I was scared I could never be a princess, because I looked 'wrong'. At that time I still saw myself as a true Dane, a true viking - so I didn't understand why I didn't have the same blonde hair as my friends. But hey - I learned how to eat with chopsticks before any of my friends.

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Name Calling
Of course I've been called a lot of names, but I haven't really been affected by it badly, which I think about now is quite surprising. I think it's because the names they were calling me were really silly or not actually very insulting. I've met a lot of racists in my life. Way to many. It's 2014 guys. Everybody needs to calm down.

I've been called:

I don't understand why it's a bad thing. I know that most Asians are Chinese, but please don't assume every Asian-looking person you see are Chinese. It's like not all Americans are from The United States. I don't get offended by this, though, because I understand where they're going. They see Asian and they think China. That's okay, but when other Asian people look at me, they can defiantly see that I have no Chinese characteristics at all. 

I once met a guy who told me, that I could f--- off and I should just pack my bags and get home to China and make McDonald's toys. I told him that I wouldn't mind traveling to China, but I'm busy getting A's as usual. 

It was wrong of me to brag to a person who I knew didn't get good grades in school. I'm sorry, but nobody tells me to f--- off. Asian or not.

'Squinty/Slanted eyes' 
There's a lot of different types of eyes. A lot of Asians have mono-lids. I think it's charming, but I don't actually have mono-lids. I'm not good with eye shapes, but I guess they look likes the common eyes in Thailand.

This one is really popular! I really don't even know why? I haven't try to eat a dog before. I have no idea what it tastes like.

Black is just a color. I don't really see it as an insult as long people remember I'm more than a color. Even though I've always thought of myself as more light Nutella-colored.

I think Michael Jacksons song: 'Black or White'" is missing some people like Latinos, Asians or Hispanics. The new lyrics should be: "It doesn't matter if you're Black, White or any color in between" - Even though the song would probably suck after my changes.

Some of my previous friends (note previous) actually told me straight to my face that: "I want to be tan, but not as black as you," and it was like a I got slapped in my face. That's maybe one of the times, where it actually hits me, that some people don't see past my skin color. The biggest problem is actually the person who told me that used to be one of my friends.

Being called an immigrant isn't really a bad thing, but for a person who's actually not an immigrant it gets quite annoying. I am by law Danish (but then you can discuss if laws defines you as a person) - Always have been Danish. I know people will never 'accept' me as a Dane just because of my skin color. That's their problem. I'm a Dane and I'm Thai.

Well, I am mixed raced, but please don't use the word: "Crossbred". I'm not an animal - Even though that depends on if you see the human species as an animal, which is kind of true. So I don't blame you.

Well, this is just ridicules. Most Asians eats more rice than noodle. I've always loved eating noodles, though, so that name is actually quite nice and true.

South East Asia is unfortunately also know for prostitutes. The same "friend" who said they didn't wanted to be as black as me, said to me in 5th grade: "Cindy is Thai, so she'll probably grow up and become a prostitute." ....  It was not funny in 5th grade - still not funny, but I guess I should feel sorry for her. She was probably struggling with low self-esteem, and I hope she got help.

That's probably one of the few names I got offended by. Also I was 10. You don't tell a 10-year-old that she'll grow up to become a prostitute because of her skin color.... like what the hell is wrong with you? 

Prostitution is a serious problem, though. Thailand has a big difference between poor and rich. Most of the Thai people are very hardworking and loyal. They don't have the same security, and some are really in need for money to survive. They get into the industry and they end up destroying themselves completely by mentally disturbed sick and disgusting sociopaths (Don't wait for me to excuse my language). Abusing women is never okay. Abusing in general is never okay.

~ · ~ 

I think I've handled all the name-calling quite well through my life - maybe because they weren't really that offending - but not all do. Please know there's a limit of jokes. Be aware if your multiracial friends finds them funny. If you have a friend who's mixed raced - or just another race than the majority - and you sometimes make fun of the color of their skin - even if you're like best friends - I think he/she would appreciate if you asked them if they okay with you joking about it. They might be, but some might also be very insecure about their skin color. You shouldn't need to feel bad about your skin color.

~ · ~

There's 2 people in the entire world, who are allowed to make jokes about my skin color - and that's because they are my friends and I know they mean well. They're allowed to make jokes about my skin color, but I get irritated if they make stupid comments on other people's skin color. That's maybe a bit paradoxical, but I guess I'm a walking paradox then.

I'm able to joke about my skin color too, but I think people are too afraid to laugh at them (or that's what I tell myself). Sometimes I say things like: "Well, I think we should sit in the sun, because I need to get tanner. I get SO pale in the winter it's crazy! I disappear in the snow - it sucks." They don't laugh. They just look at me as I'm crazy. I probably am a bit.

~ · ~ 
I was raised with two completely different cultures. Two different beliefs and mindsets Two completely different people. Climate, sense of humor, politics - Almost everything is different about Scandinavia and South East Asia. I accept both cultures - even though I don't always understand or agree.

I have Danish citizenship. I was born and raised in Denmark and I've lived in Denmark for my entire life, but I love the Thai culture. The food, the people, the love. I can be whatever I want to be. If I want to be Asian and walk around smiling in Denmark's non-existential Chinatown and eat noodles I'll do that, and if I want to eat Danish patty or open sandwiches while reading The Little Mermaid by H. C. Andersen I'll do that. 

You can be whoever you want to. Don't let your skin color determine what's right or wrong. When it all comes down I just want people to love or at least accept each other for who they are. Despite their skin color. Despite their religion. Despite their weight. Despite their shape of their eyes or nose or feet or whatever. You don't have to understand. Just accept the world as it is.

And a quote just to end it all: 

"We are all equal in the fact that we are all different. We are all the same in the fact that we will never be the same. We are united by the reality that all colours and all cultures are distinct & individual. We are harmonious in the reality that we are all held to this earth by the same gravity. We don't share blood, but we share the air that keeps us alive. I will not blind myself and say that my black brother is not different from me. I will not blind myself and say that my brown sister is not different from me. But my black brother is he as much as I am me. But my brown sister is she as much as I am me."

- C. Joybell C.

Thank you for reading.

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Love you all and have a great super amazing day! xx

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