The Lunatic Is Back // My Life

Because I just need get my things out of my brain and just write my frustration down.


This blog was usually a part of my everyday life. Now it is just a thought of my life every day. You might be wondering, what made me start blogging right now? After 3 months of hiatus, why now?

And I have to tell you - as selfish as it may sound - it is because I am frustrated and mad, and a touch of sad, but it is a calm kind of frustration, madness and sadness. The type of sadness where you just calmly breath, but more controlled than normally. Like you are just able to sit on the couch starring blankly into the thin air and just hear your controlled breath and your uncontrolled heartbeat.

And I promised. I promised to keep blogging, and blog more frequently. I promised, and I didn't keep my promise. The reason why I stopped blogging without notice, was because I started caring about who was reading my posts and what they thought about them. It started being more careful of what I published and what I wanted to write about, but I should not have had to. 

It started to become work for me, and that was never my intention. I started blogging, because I needed a distraction. Every time people have asked me why I started, I have stated that I loved writing and everything like that - And I do! I really really do. I love writing more than anything, but I was in a not very nice place when I started blogging, and I went through stuff that I just needed a distraction from my own thoughts. I sound like a complete dramaqueen, even though I know I am not. Sometimes the thoughts just went over and over again in my head. Overall that was not a very pleasent time of my short life.

All due respect to my readers - this is still my blog, and I know I have written before that the readers can see this blogs as theirs too, but you can't. This is my piece of fresh air, where I can vent and write what ever the f I want to. I started thinking too much about quality, and I wanted to write something that everyone wanted to read about and I wanted new and exciting things all the time. It started not to look at MazeDays as mine, but everyone's. 

Of course I want to write for people to read it, but that is not my main priority. I want to go back to blogging like I did before California, but school finally hit me and I need to prioritize my studies higher than blogging, and I know you will understand, but I just wish I could do both - the things that makes me happy now and what will make me happy in the future. I am just frustrated, because it is like the hours of the day is slipping up so quickly, and I forget doing the things I should and it is just f'ing impossible to control time. 

I don't even know if I am supposed to be sorry, but I guess somewhere I really truly am. I did not keep my promise. I did not keep my promise. So I will not promise you I will start blogging frequently again, but I will promise you I won't forget MazeDays.

Tl;dr – I don't know what in hell is happening in my life right now.

I did not read or correct this post after writing it. 
I am sorry if I sound like a spoiled hysterical insane lunatic with first world problems.

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Love you all and have a great super amazing day! xx

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